Yet another year has
passed of learning and observing, so now it’s time for some unsolicited
reporting. If you’re unfamiliar with this
(I almost guarantee you are), heed my warning: I may not be right about the
randomly formulated tidbits of wisdom below.
They just seemed like they would work at the time. The truth is - I don’t have all the answers.
In fact, there are days when I think it would be arrogant of me to assume I
have any answers at all.
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-Waiting for a pipe dream to happen could mean missing out
on something you wish you would have caught.
-Fellas - if she doesn't want to do it sober, don't let her do it drunk.
-Rookie writers - put that fucking thesaurus down.
-Don't give a shit about what others think of you? That's fine, but it’s no
excuse to be an asshole. Be a good person and be pleased with the way you think
of yourself.
-If you consistently have mental breakdowns when you get drunk, you weren't meant to drink. Switch to weed.
-Everyone has shit happen to them. It doesn't matter how big or small – if it affects you, it counts. You can either process it, learn from it, and move on… or you can use it as an excuse for the way you act. You can’t undo anything, so you may as well let it improve how you are.
-On a clear summer night, take the time to look up and lose yourself in the perspective that a sky full of stars gives you.
-Opposites don't really attract. So unless you're a magnet, look for people whose qualities compliment your own.
-If you're a creative, write your dreams down as soon as you wake up - they're free inspiration.
-You're an adult now. Learn the proper usage of your, you're, they're, their, there, to, too, etc.
-Own a nice pair of sunglasses, a classy watch, a nice coat, and a grownup hat.
-Never wear a pair of shiny dress shoes with normal jeans.
-Playing the "humble game" shouldn't always be your default. If you receive praise for doing something truly great, revel in it for a moment. Then move on.
-Fellas - have a repertoire of colognes for different situations, and use them sparingly.
-Fellas - one woman's opinion gives you a good idea - many give you the right idea. Unless it came from a woman’s magazine, then it’s horribly wrong.
-Desperation has a foul odor.
-Fellas - having trouble with the “friendzone”? Here’s your problem: even though you're being nice, you're also most likely being boring, meek, and quiet about your feelings for her. Show that you have some goddamned worth, and grow a fucking backbone.
-Ladies - if you want an honest answer about how you look in those pants, ask your friends. Your boyfriend/husband knows better.
-Learn the difference between being helpful and being a doormat.
-Fellas - leave your forest camouflage hats for the hunting trip.
-Cook for yourself, or for the people you’re eating with. The rest of us don’t care, so enough with the pictures. Seriously.
-Always have a project in the works, and make it something that isn't time-sensitive so you can work on it to fill idle time.
-Being a pessimist is taking the cheap way out of dealing with getting a shitty hand. Just suck it up and work for better things.
-Leave the gossiping for the teenagers.
-Thinking of the world as a whimsical place where great things simply happen, or blessed lives fall into place, is a fast track toward failure. Great things tend to require work. Not always, but often enough to where taking the risk is not worth it.
-Reputations don't come out of thin air – there's at least some truth behind them.
-Don’t base your life on a quote by someone just because they're famous - there's one for almost any point of view.
-Ladies - whether or not it’s true, if you pick apart the appearance of a woman we find attractive, we automatically assume you're jealous.
-If you truly believe in your cause, don't just protest it when the weather’s nice.
-If you're lucky enough to love someone that loves you back, appreciate what you have and show them every chance you get. Most of us don't have that.
-Keep a PG rated vocabulary until you know you’re in R rated company.
-The number of friends you have only really matters when… oh wait, it never matters as long as there's at least one.
-Life is too fucking short to not go in for the kiss.
-Have a sense of wonder. The universe around you is infinitely fascinating.
-There are no secret shortcuts in life, and anyone that tells you otherwise is trying to sell you a book.
-Fellas - stop looking for the dream girl. She doesn’t exist – at least in the way you think. Every girl out there is flawed, and if you’re expecting perfection, you'll never learn to appreciate how wonderful her flaws make her.
-Ladies - stop looking for the exciting bad boy with a heart of a puppy. He doesn’t exist. The way a man approaches life is the same way he approaches love. If he’s a hardass on the street, he’ll be a hardass on you.
-Nine times out of ten, the latest health fad proves to be no more effective than conventional techniques, the latest self-help fad proves to be a load of bad ideas dressed in fancy words, the latest political fad is recycled ideas from twenty years ago, and the latest music genre is just plain shit.
-If you struggle with social small talk, do what they do in the business world and make yourself an “elevator speech”. If it’s interesting enough, all you’ll have to do is answer questions until your momentum is going.
-Ladies - with great power comes great responsibility. So once you discover the power that biting your lower lip at the right time has over us guys… use it only for good.
-Never underestimate the soul-healing power of a late night drive with the windows down and the music up.
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